I'm Here Even Though I Hate Myself

When It comes to our mental health there are no gimmicks to make us feel better. I wrote this piece in the most truthful way I could bear because I think when the subject is that sensitive honesty helps. The theme is dark because my thoughts were dark but I’m responsible for the way I frame my thoughts on this channel. I hope you explore the darkness in this piece only as a contrast to the light that exists, and I hope you find the courage to embrace the optimism within.

Forever Humbled,
A kid with a camera

🔰Support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/illneas

🔰Find me here 🔗https://www.instagram.com/_illneas/
🔗https://www.facebook.com/illneas/
🔗https://twitter.com/illneas

Second channel
🔗https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3urbsMSDr9XmgtnFdWZe_Q

🔰Communities
-https://discord.gg/kfxthmS3F4
-https://www.facebook.com/groups/2314655172176122/
-https://www.reddit.com/r/searchingformeaning/

🔰References

-The narrator is Tyler
https://www.artstation.com/sunshine-tm
https://twitter.com/Tyleross_

-The music is this:
https://open.spotify.com/track/15ZGKRywr9SwYVqOeaFAMI?si=hs8uWAasSBKTgfcs0JwzdQ&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

🔰My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
https://amzn.to/2uGqmQZ
GX80
https://amzn.to/33e5Tye
📷Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens
https://amzn.to/2vr9P3N

🔰I’m Here Even Though I Hate Myself by illness

I’m lost
I’m imperfect
one person in the endless echo of the universe
waiting to be forgotten

I’m insignificant
I’m imperfect
I’m the face you ignored today
that your unconscious mind will use to populate a dream

I’m not an artist
I’m imperfect
I’m gathering dust on a digital shelf
while fading from your mind

I’m isolated
I’m imperfect
And if you can feel my words you might help me defeat my loneliness
or at least numb my emotions

I’m still here
even though I hate myself
because the courage in my heart will always be a paradox

I’m guarding my thin slice of paradise between old buildings
and the dreams that never became true

the purpose of my life is limited by the painful beauty of my freedom
and exists because of it

I’m the sum total of my mistakes
and If you see any beauty in that
it is because I found the strength to own them

I’m still lost
I’m still imperfect
I’m still here